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Starfire Mutiny

Starfire Mutiny (2002) Movie Poster
  •  USA  •    •  94m  •    •  Directed by: Lloyd A. Simandl.  •  Starring: Joe Lara, Maureen LaVette, Elise Muller, Douglas Arthurs, Julius Krajewski, John Comer, Michael Lee, Petra Martincová, Eva Decastelo, Martin Hub, Phil Jones, David O'Kelly, Pavel Bezdek.  •  Music by: Peter Allen.
     In future, the ozone layer is gone and Earth is a wasteland. Most survivors are on a space station, waiting for a chance to replenish the ozone, somehow. A dangerous man tries to take over the station, but its commander fights back.


Image from: Starfire Mutiny (2002)
Image from: Starfire Mutiny (2002)
Image from: Starfire Mutiny (2002)
Image from: Starfire Mutiny (2002)
Oh, sweet Mary! This movie is one shabby piece of work. Cheap production values, a script that couldn't have taken more than 45 minutes to write and direction and cinematography that's like a poor imitation of the old Buck Rogers TV show starring Gil Gerard.

The story concerns a future Earth that's been turned into a desert wasteland by the disappearance of the ozone layer. Some indeterminate number of people was sent up into orbit in cryogenic suspension to wait until the proper moment when the planet could be restored. The space station Legacy, which appears to be manned by 6 whole people, is supposed to circle the Earth until there's a solar flare that can be used in some inexplicable way with the Hubble telescope to restore the ozone layer.

Would-be dictator General Montgomery Swan (Douglas Arthurs) takes over Legacy, after he's broken out of prison by his right-hand woman Colonel Diana Briggs (Maureen LaVette). Now, Swan's prison was on Earth. It held many other prisoners and was staffed by several, it's clear that human beings can and do survive and live on the desolate planet. Why then go through the rigmarole of freezing people and shooting them into orbit? That's one of those questions you're not supposed to ask.

Swan wants to replace the energy of the solar flare with a nuclear explosion that destroys the part of legacy with all the frozen folks, restoring the Earth and making him its supreme leader. How exactly would he become the supreme leader when his forces consist of a hard-faced woman and three thugs who are as much comic relief as military muscle? That's another one of those questions you're not supposed to ask.

Opposing Swan and company are square-jawed space station commander Sam Talbot (Joe Lara), cryogenic technician and pool-playing horndog Ben Gunn (Julius Krajewski) and a small-time con woman (Elise Muller) who scammed her way on the station in place of the physicist leading the effort to fix the ozone layer. They're joined by a couple of unfrozen bimbos (portrayed by "actresses" who had to have done many unpleasant things with the fat and sweaty producers who demanded they be shoehorned into the film).

Here's what you need to know about Starfire Mutiny. Some of the actresses go almost randomly topless, there are fight scenes so poorly choreographed they might as well be outtakes from the old Saturday morning TV show Bigfoot and Wild Boy, at many points the story is moving so sluggishly it's not clear if you're watching the actors in slow motion or normal speed, and Douglas Arthurs apparently started this production thinking he was going to be the cool bad guy in a worthwhile film only to realize as it went on that he was stuck in a huge piece of crap. You can literally see the moment on screen where Arthurs decided "Eff it! I'm not even going to try anymore."

The bottom line of Starfire Mutiny is that it's about 2 steps below those Saturday night original movies you see on the Sy Fy channel. So, if you find fare like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus too challenging...this might be just the movie for you.

Review by MBunge from the Internet Movie Database.