Bigfoot Wars

USA • 2014 • 75m •

• Directed by: Brian T. Jaynes. • Starring: C. Thomas Howell, Judd Nelson, Avi Lake, David Sullivan, Audrey Ellis Fox, Taylor Weaver, John Orr, Mindy Raymond, Juli Erickson, Holt Boggs, Larry Jack Dotson, Billy Blair, Skyy Moore. • Music by: Justin R. Durban.

A small town becomes the focal point of a brutal clash between man and a legendary beast.

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0:44

Review:

Movie "Big Foot Wars": This title denotes multiple wars occurring when we view with only one taking place if you can call it a war. Field General Grrrgrah (At least that's the tag on his hairy chest) growls and displays his incisors constantly in a display of displeasure at his troops. They kidnapping young nubile human women and then the Big Feet cover their breasts with mud. He is greatly dismayed and angered as well as I. At least that is what I understood the growling to mean either that or he was complaining about a one HUGE hang nail.

One Big Foot bites the dust and I cried at one more incredibly smelly anthropoid meeting its end. The human side in these "WARS" consist of 4 people. C. Thomas Howell (what an apt name for this movie) plays some supposedly tough ass hillbilly that carried a sledge hammer on his back just in case someone needs a steak tenderized or railroad tie driven.

I must confess that every Big Foot, and there are quite a few, all look just like Rob Zombie while in makeup. I defy anyone to tell me otherwise. Judd Nelson appears as a doctor simply because he was bored and had nothing else to do. Audry Fox was cast to display her naked butt and it is a fine butt, a butt not to be overlooked, a butt to be cast in plaster. It received a score two due to this butt.

The cast of nobodies run and scream and die and do we really care? I was down trodden by the end when Crazed Hillbilly man and the Sheriff bite the dust wielding a sledge hammer and a machete. They did not last as long as a premature ejaculator. If you wish to watch a plethora of Rob Zombies kill a few people all the while singing "More Human Then Human", you have your film. This movie prompted me to set the world record for self trepanation but I only achieved 14 holes in my cranium.

Review by Bernard Lee Crawford from the Internet Movie Database.

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