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New Alcatraz

New Alcatraz (2001) Movie Poster
  •  USA  •    •  96m  •    •  Directed by: Phillip J. Roth.  •  Starring: Dean Cain, Elizabeth Lackey, Mark Sheppard, Dean Biasucci, Craig Wasson, Grand L. Bush, Richard Tanner, Amandah Reyne, Greg Collins, Gary Hershberger, Dana Ashbrook, Robert Madrid, Chris Ufland.  •  Music by: Richard McHugh.
        Thousands of feet below "Facility Number 1," the world's most isolated maximum security prison in Antarctica, a prehistoric snake--100 feet in length--awakens from its a centuries-old slumber. Alone at the bottom of the world, both prisoners and guards are left to become prey for the vicious, slithering beast.

Trailers:

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Review:

Image from: New Alcatraz (2001)
Image from: New Alcatraz (2001)
Image from: New Alcatraz (2001)
Image from: New Alcatraz (2001)
Image from: New Alcatraz (2001)
Image from: New Alcatraz (2001)
Boa rules. It stinks so much that I really started to like it. Full of such incomprehensible idiocy that you will simply stare and wonder is it you who is really in need of treatment. They even classified it as horror. That's already funny.

Okay we have the New Alcatraz located somewhere in the antarctic below the ice. It's interiors are really huge (lot's of halls) but actually have nothing to do with prisons. Are they gonna put the prisoners in giant standing lines through these halls? Great stuff is that it's for prisoners from all over the world and, although it just opened, it only has 6 of 'em! And they're supposed to be the worst of the worst. Yeah right! Dean Cain is more terrifying than all of 'em together. So imagine you are the warden of this complex and in the middle of a drilling through stone procedure, the drill expert says we shouldn't continue 'cause it could all blow up, what would you say? Off course it would be: "continue to drill" because otherwise a giant prehistoric snake preserved in pure nitrogen gas wouldn't come out! Basically all character reasoning in this movie doesn't make much sense to me. That's what I really like here. The characters are really shown as retards.

Two biggest holes of this movie are Dean Cain and the snake Boa itself. Firstly Dean Cain who is supposed to be the main character and ends up being overshadowed by a much less known actor who stars as one of the prisoners. What I mean is that obviously Cain just took the role to make extra bucks, "acted" his role and went home. The guy probably thinks he's famous after starring superman. Yeah right. The prisoner guy thus comes out as the hero of the flick and dies in the end. You can even sense some sort of laughable sympathy towards that character. I really respect these b-grade actors who at least take things seriously and act as they act and give us something to laugh about unlike Cain who is simply annoying. Now about the snake. First of all the film makers rely too much on the low budget cgi effects and thus everything is dark and you can barely see Boa. Disappointing. Also, one of the funny things in this movie is that most of the people die by explosions they themselves caused, much less from Boa. Could this be some sort of hidden message about true human nature? A philosophical under layer created by the screenwriter? If so I'm Merry Poppins.

Basically I would divide the movie in two parts: the first 45 minutes and the last 45 minutes. The first is really fun in it's badness 'cause there's not too much Cain and more unknown bad actors, especially the prisoners and one guard who's a real chicken. The last 45 minutes are kinda boring, Boa being almost invisible like in the whole movie and too much big empty halls which still fascinate me.

Well Boa is bad but can be enjoyable. Some dialogues are simply too bad to be true as that also goes for some scenes. Guys this is New Alcatraz with only 6 prisoners and a prehistoric snake. Damn this is really astoundingly retarted.


Review by luxdeluks from the Internet Movie Database.