Age of Dinosaurs |
USA • 2013 • 88m •
  • Directed by: Joseph J. Lawson. • Starring: Treat Williams, Ronny Cox, Jillian Rose Reed, Joshua Michael Allen, Max Aria, Johannes Goetz, Julia Paul, Arthur Richardson, Jose Rosete, Laura Tuny, Roani Whent, Joe Bohn, Kelly V. Dolan. • Music by: Chris Ridenhour.      Using breakthrough flesh-regeneration technology, a biotech firm creates a set of living dinosaurs. But when the creatures escape their museum exhibit and terrorize Los Angeles, a former firefighter must rescue his teenage daughter from the chaos brought on by the Age of Dinosaurs.
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And while the dinosaurs of this film aren't quite so lazily constructed, they are just out of place enough to warrant bursts of laughter and ridicule. But the true humor from this film stems not from the lousy production values, but the sheer nonsense of what happens on-screen.
The second half is especially bad as bullet-proof dinosaurs tangle with the LAPD. They smash up helicopters that have no business hovering just over the heads of the savage beasts, cops shoot at the dinos incessantly until either devoured or forgotten about, making no attempt to avoid their imminent deaths, dinosaurs of various species stampede through the city like a Thanksgiving Day parade, oblivious of their 65 million year predatorprey relationships and (I kid you not) dinosaurs being blasted off the top of skyscrapers by more helicopters (because you could easily imagine a T-Rex climbing a skyscraper like King Kong, especially with those tiny forearms).
And the editing does such a horrible job of stringing together recycled shots of CG dinos as the humans stop mid-chase to pose for the camera, walk in obviously dangerous environs with no sense of caution and string together attempts to hide themselves in small alcoves until the dinosaurs simply give up and leave. But these dinosaurs do show extraordinary persistence when chasing the protagonists at top speeds through downtown LA, completely ignoring the thousands of edible humans they pass by in pursuit of a more personal meal.
I won't spoil the ending, but I will say that it has a lot to do with nonsensical dinosaur behavior, editing mistakes that inexplicably do away with irrelevant characters, complete lapses in the laws of physics and a blatant disregard for the unresolved dinosaur epidemic that was, up until that point, the purpose of the entire movie.
I almost busted a gut laughing at how bad this movie was. The guys at RiffTrax need not pick this schlock apart, because watching the film on it's own provides more than enough laughs. Now, I love a lot of movies with Ronny Cox in them (RoboCop and Beverly Hills Cop especially) but I can't imagine he read this script and willfully chose to be in the same time zone with it. He really needs to retire already, because his death in this film wins the award for the "cheapest death scene in movie history". And there's no going out with dignity after this.
Review by ProfessorMegaman from the Internet Movie Database.
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