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Nuclear Hurricane

Nuclear Hurricane (2007) Movie Poster
USA  •    •  88m  •    •  Directed by: Fred Olen Ray.  •  Starring: Jamie Luner, Jack Scalia, Meredith McGeachie, David Millbern, Eriko Tamura, Erin Gray, Gil Gerard, Kevin Kelly, Jack Heller, Annie O'Donnell, Brian Foyster, Richard Cansino, Jillian McWhirter.  •  Music by: Penka Kouneva, Vivek Maddala.
        A "highly sophisticated computer system" at a nuclear power plant goes crazy. To make matters worse, it develops a capacity for reason and malice while a tropical island storm is blowing into town.


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Image from: Nuclear Hurricane (2007)
Image from: Nuclear Hurricane (2007)
I just found myself yelling at the television for the constant repetition of the two main characters, Linda (Jamie Luner), who's ex is on the island and appears to date the female sheriff, possibly I don't know, it appears like that, and Rusty (Jack Scalia).

But let's start at the beginning. What takes place is a poor version of '2001: A Space Odyssey', with the HAL 9000 being replaced by a computer called Staci. Linda and Rusty need to reboot the backup system, but the code they were given activates Security Protocol 13 (SP13), which makes Staci go berserk.

Now the repetition. Now, before doing the reboot Rusty tells Staci to lock the doors to the building. Why they do this I don't know. How they can do this when there's no...proper computer software on the doors, apart from keyholes, I don't know. Now get this, when Security protocol 13 kicks in, Staci doesn't do anything the lead characters do, for example, shutting down the protocol and rebooting the backup system. So, Linda tries to leave to pick up her ex so he can fix the situation, forgetting they locked the doors. So we then get the characters asking Staci to unlock the doors, which can't be done because SP13 denies their authority, and they can't get shut it down because they don't have authority, they can't call for help because of SP13, and repeat. Despite this Linda tries getting through doors MULTIPLE TIMES, only getting the same response. Because the first hundred times worked before.

Then the building has retinal scanners which Staci decides to ignore. So Linda, if the retinal scanners don't work, STOP TRYING TO USE THEM! And then asking Staci to unlock the door only leads to the same freaking thing she told you before!

Now, the title of the film is misleading. A nuclear hurricane. That sounds awesome and terrifying. We get a normal hurricane. Nowhere near nuclear. A threat is what we get. I WANT A NUCLEAR HURRICANE! THAT'S WHAT THE FILM PROMISED ME!

And then we have plenty of...terrible, terrible things. A pointless sub-plot of a woman giving birth, a sub-plot of Linda stealing Rusty's job, like 'Lava Storm' the settlement (an island) has an unlikely population of 9, vent shafts are not real sized (no-one builds them that big), the characters don't bother covering the camera because this might "piss her off" (though by all regards covering up the camera DOES NOT TURN OFF THE MICROPHONE!) a maintenance guy who doesn't really do much but try doors after being told they're locked, and, get this Linda trapped in a air vent in 135 degrees. We're not told whether it's 135 degrees Fahrenheit or 135 degrees Celsius, but she should have died, but nooooo. She jokes around by asking out the computer. WHAT THE HELL?

That's it, I'm wrapping up. This film is terrible, it makes no sense the dialogue is terrible, it repeats itself endlessly, we don't care about the characters, it repeats itself, the acting is wooden, it repeats itself and I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!

Review by aliway from the Internet Movie Database.


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