Shark Attack 3: Megalodon |
  • Israel / South Africa / USA • 2002 • 99m •   • Directed by: David Worth. • Starring: John Barrowman, Jenny McShane, Ryan Cutrona, Bashar Rahal, George Stanchev, Pavlin Kemilev, Plamen Manassiev, Krasimir Simeonov, Ivo Tonchev, Rosi Chernogorova, Plamen Zahov, Peter Rusev, Viktor Chichov. • Music by: Bill Wandel.      Twenty-four million years ago, Megalodon was a 20 tonne killing machine with a 10 foot gaping bite. When two researchers discover a colossal shark's tooth off the Mexican coast their worst fears surface - the most menacing beast to ever rule the waters is still alive and mercilessly feeding on anything that crosses its path. Now they must hunt the fierce killer and destroy it... before there is no one left to stop its reign of terror!
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Review:
I have only laughed so hard once in my life where I was rolling on the floor in uncontrollable fits, and it was this movie that did that to me. Anchorman couldn't even do that to me.
In short, it's basically a straight-up Jaws rip-off with Russian actors badly dubbed with bad dialog. Bad script, bad directing, bad acting, bad editing, bad sound, bad key-gripping, bad best-boying, and I'm sure bad-catering as well. But that doesn't even compare to the caliber of the special fx: no mechanical sharks here, nor a man in shark suit with a zipper up the back. It's even worse...Discovery Channel Shark Week stock footage of sharks either rear projected or edited in by perhaps a rhesus monkey. Jacques Cousteau is rolling in his grave as I write this.
Things to watch for: -The changing size of the shark -The medical kit that only has a flare gun in it -The submarine exterior size vs. the size of it's interior -The republican militiaman (who looks mysteriously like John McCain) flipping off the shark -The Apex Corporation's Cold-Waresque control room -The box of explosives -The rifle that still works after being underwater for 5 minutes -"Mistery Shark" -The digital photo of the shark tooth -People jumping off the ship that isn't actually sinking into the water with the Megladon -The fact that there seems to be no Mexicans in Mexico -Who is touching the girl's thigh? -The bombs that look like Magic 8-Balls -"Always carry a spare. It's the Navy way." -The leftover torpedo arsenal in John McCain's house -The church scene that has absolutely nothing to do with anything else in the movie -Topless women that have absolutely nothing to do with anything in the movie -Sex scene that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie -The man taking off the clown mask that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie -The skinny dipping scene, where the guy says something incredibly dirty to the girl (speaking of something biting her in the _____. (it rhymes with "scooter") -MY PERSONAL FAVORITE....The line. Believe me, you'll know it when you hear it. It's so dirty...I wanted to wash myself after hearing it. In fact, my roommate and I didn't know if we had heard it quite right (we couldn't believe that a scriptwriter would put a line that awful in a movie) the first time around, and we had to rewind it and listen again. We laughed for 15 minutes straight.
Amazingly, it's a highly watchable movie. There are a few times when the action gets slow, but it generally moves along at a pretty good clip. All the goofs and badness of it make it a great movie to watch with a friend who appreciates B-movies. I'm convinced the two leading actors didn't take this movie too seriously due to what appears to be laughter in some serious scenes, but all the other actors are Russian, and this is probably how they feed their vodka habit. I very much recommend this movie for a good laugh, and nothing more.
Review by ginger1981 from the Internet Movie Database.
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