A space ship crash lands on the third planet of a distant solar system, killing all hands except for a young boy named Tang. The rescue ship arrives some 20 years later. One of the crew, a girl named Linda meets Tang and falls in love with him. They are attacked by the native humanoids of the planet and many of them are killed off. Also, the crew encounters many strange beasts on this strange, but somewhat familiar world.
Directed by: Arthur C. Pierce
. Starring: Wendell Corey
, Keith Larsen
, John Agar
, Paul Gilbert
, Merry Anders
, Irene Tsu
, Robert Ito
, Stuart Margolin
, Todd Lasswell
, Kam Tong
, Ron Stokes
, Adam Roarke
, Paul Hampton
Another entry in my, find the crappest movie in the sci fi section. How many times must we go through being ripped off? I want my 50 cents back! On the cover of the copy that I hired is a sexy looking woman riding a dinosaur, with a Pterodactyl flying in the sky. I was expecting sexy Amazon women dealing to each other and the visiting men in the mud. I was expecting to see spacemen being shagged to death as punishment for visiting.
What do we really get? A bunch of drunk retards in possibly the worst spaceship model that I have ever seen! A spaceship that has the old style of telephone, the put your finger in and pull the hole kind of telephone. The spaceship also has the biggest switches I have ever seen. They land in a bad model that was obviously created as some kids science project at school. They then enter a sound stage that has polystyrene trees and caves that rattle easily. There is much talk of centurians, what are centurians? Who cares? They seem to be Asian people. DODGY! Because this film is made in the mid sixties, when the civil rights movement was just getting going, there is much talk of these 'centurians' being savages.
Despite the dodgy, drunken, Ku Klux Klan talk of the crew. They decide to leave and look around the planet. Why? Because they are all drunk on gin and need to walk it off. Especially the chubby guy. Meanwhile, you have their 'Grand-Dragon,' who gives soliloquy's for no apparent reason. These wise axioms also make absolutely no sense. But the crew are all so drunk the ignore him anyway. He is trying to be Captain Stubing, but Captain Stubing wasn't as drunk. There is some fat guy who either is very drunk or just has downs syndrome telling irrelevant and meaningless stories about how he likes to throw his urine at people. There is also a girl who seems to have been sniffing glue. She has a dazed expression and hooks up with an equally retarded 'Tang.' Now, after he strips her naked and drags her back to his cave. She then proceeds to fall in love with him. No pick up lines here, no you just knock her out and literally pick her up. This is how you get a wife here.
Women of the pre-historic planet. WOMEN! Not one retarded woman who runs off with a guy who seems to be named after a bad fruit drink! This is just so MISLEADING!
The other guys drunkenly stagger around the planet for no real reason. They encounter a giant lizard. Because they are great scientists who are very sophisticated and strong environmentalists they instantly shoot the lizard and kill it. They do this using laser guns that I have seen at my local toy store. They also encounter a tarantula that can jump huge distances. This is thanks to a handy naturally evolved piece of string that helps it move. They also cross a river on a log, tying a rope above to walk along it. Now my 9 year old sister could do this easily, playing hopscotch along it. However, everyone here is either retarded, drunk and retarded or just drunk. Making these drunk old buggers play hopscotch would be a death sentence. So of course one guy falls in and this is his instant death. Even though it is a spa pool/hot tub that he has fallen into.
A volcano goes off. A monkey happens to be on the planet and he serves the crew banana's in a cute and friendly way. A man struggles with his homosexuality. But because this is a film from the 60's and homosexuality can't be mentioned, he instead calls it a centurion fixation. But we really know that it as allegory for his own homosexuality. The drunk old guy tells him it is time to face up to the truth. That the whole crew knows! Yes, horror of horrors, even the women know! But they don't mind because they have been looking for a decent interior decorator for their spaceship for ages now.
A bunch of guys attack with spears, well so would you even the only thing that you shagged in your life was an over friendly, banana serving monkey. The retarded girl doesn't mind the eruption and has an unconvincing fight with polystyrene blocks. She the goes to hang out with the retarded Tang. The camera wobbles then stops, the eruption is over. The drunk crew wonders why they came here in the first place. In fact, the chubby guy who likes to throw urine spends the last part of the film drunkenly groping the women on board. They fly away and unfortunately don't crash into anything. Isn't there a law about drinking and flying spaceships?
This is 'Women of the Prehistoric Planet. Great title, bad film. It even has a twist, which I will not reveal. However, I can safely say it is as retarded as the rest of the film. I have never used the word retarded so often in anything that I have ever written but this film has inspired me. This film is sooooooo dumb.
Review by Aaron1375 [IMDB 8 June 2006] from the Internet Movie Database.