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Sette Uomini d'Oro Nello Spazio

Sette Uomini d'Oro Nello Spazio (1979) Movie Poster
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 Lang:  
Italy  •    •  88m  •    •  Directed by: Alfonso Brescia.  •  Starring: Yanti Somer, Gianni Garko, Malisa Longo, Chris Avram, Ennio Balbo, Roberto Dell'Acqua, Aldo Amoroso Pioso, Nino Castelnuovo, Gianfranca Dionisi, Pino Ferrara, Aldo Funari, Cesare Gelli, Claudio Undari.  •  Music by: Marcello Giombini.
      Earth is attacked by an intergalactic villain and his army of robotic androids.

Trailers:

   Length:  Languages:  Subtitles:
 1:24
 
 

Review:

Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Image from: Sette Uomini d
Believe it or not, but I've managed to stay awake long enough through three of these Alfonso Breschia sci-fi crapfests to notice that each one of them does have a different angle. Cosmos: War of the Planets had a slight horror angle, War of the Robots was a straight forward sci-fi action flick and Star Odyssey tries to include a lot of humour. I have seen the Beast in Space but we all know the angle there is Sirpa Lane's nipples.

It does matter how he approaches these films, they are all miserable failures featuring the same sets, the same extras in blonde robot wigs, the same uniforms for the good guys (I hope they at least washed them - I wouldn't fancy getting Antonio Sabato's sweaty hand-me-downs), the same Yanti Somer, the same space battle footage and the same sense that even Breschia himself was not remotely interested in what he was creating. Let's dive in!

Or not, as the whole first half of the film seems to have been cut and pasted together as some key scenes seem to happen after other stuff has occurred. Basically, an alien that looks like he's fallen asleep on an electric fly swatter has bought Earth, and instead of making contact he just starts gathering together loads of humans for slavery. This enrages campy Earth leader Franco Rassell, who orders a crack team of human jerks to get together to sort out this intergalactic chugnut.

This lot includes Han Solo type Gianni Garko, who can hypnotise people and gets into a fistfight with Nello Pazzafini (in the confusing footage we see the fight first, then the reason it started later), Yanti Somer, ex-lover of Garko and niece of elderly scientist Ennio Balbao, who is trying to figure out some way to penetrate the weird substance surrounding the enemy spaceship (more confusing footage). There's Han Solo type Chris Avram and Melissa Longo, who is guess is supposed to be Chewbacca? Throw in a guy with ADHD and a pompous military guy and we're good to go...except for the two suicide-pact robots they pick up from a seventies scrapyard.

The fact that Tilt and Tilly have more character than everyone else shows you how bad this film is. They had a suicide pact but can't remember how (it's because they couldn't shag), and they bicker, complain, write poems to each other and wonder how the blonde-wig robots aren't attacking them. There's also this other robot which is like some child in a Halloween costume wandered on set or perhaps is a dwarf slave Breschi was humiliating for sexual purposes.

All this crapness is lost like tears in rain as the whole things just devolves into the same endless laser battles, light-sabre (pound shop version) battles, and worst of all, the interminable space battle at the end. That battle doesn't quite last as long as the one in War of the Robots, but...that's about the only good thing I can say about it.

The version I watched did have an ending, although it did cut off a guy at the end mid-sentence, so that was good.

What happened to you Gianni Gark - you used to be Sartana! What happened to you Ennio Balbao - you used to be a Mafia Don! Yanti Somer - you have no excuse - you were in the last two as well!


Review by Bezenby from the Internet Movie Database.