When going through Nostalgia Critic Month, I guess it's only fitting that I would be watching what Doug himself considers to be the worst movie ever made, the Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Yep, it's definitely in my Top 5 worst films of all time. I think the only films that I find worse are "Titanic...The Legend Goes On" and "Disaster Movie". Not to talk down to the Critic, but it actually is at one point stated that Dodger is 14, not 12, but he certainly doesn't look the part. This movie was based on a trading card and I remember it being on the bottom 100 here. I actually myself wished that the Critic would review it in the early days and I got what I wanted.
I remember watching his review and immediately thinking that this was the worst movie he had ever reviewed and I knew he'd say it was. Anyway, what's even more horrifying is that there are things his review actually missed out on. Nat Nerd actually wets his pants five times in the whole movie. He's voiced by Jim Cummings! I met that guy at a Con and I knew it would be in bad taste to mention this to him. So the plot is that a kid named Dodger finds these little monsters called the Garbage Pail Kids. He works at an antique store with a guy known as Captain Manzini.
He himself says that the kids themselves are the equivalent to the horrors unleashed by Pandora's box and he's pretty much right. The question is, why does this guy have these kids? He at one point says that they shouldn't be afraid to be who they are and then whispers to Dodger he hopes they bought it. Why, if he himself thinks they're evil, does he keep them around? Where did they come from? There's a spaceship in the beginning so I guess they're aliens. These kids are absolutely hideous to look at. They have probably the worst puppet work I've seen in my entire life.
Their lips never sync up with their voices and it shouldn't even satisfy fans of the card. It does look like we're going to see more of the Garbage Pail Kids as they reference some others. It's eventually revealed that we won't because those kids were killed for being ugly! I'm serious! In this movie, officers can legally execute children for being ugly! One of the kids is named Windy Winston and he farts as much as Net Nerd wets himself. There's Valerie Vomit and at least she only profusely vomits once. At the end, the kids rip off the clothing of models stripping them down. I felt very dirty watching that.
There's another kid, Ali Gator who literally bites off people's toes. I mean, he's shown with a lunchbox full of severed eyeballs and other body parts. How can any child watch this horrible thing? I just hated everyone and thought the dialogue was horrendous. It wasn't even until the part where the Garbage Pail Kids themselves showed up that it got really horrible. Granted, it was always stupid. Many scenes are just the kids doing nothing and singing out of nowhere. It's a horrible film and it deserves to go down in history as one, if not the, worst movies of all time.
Review by ericstevenson from the Internet Movie Database.