Let me get this out of the way first: The Blob-'a remake of the 1958 flick bearing the same name-'isn't that bad. In fact, it's actually pretty good. It never takes itself too seriously, and it features some of the most grotesque (and inventive) death scenes to come out of the 80-ï¿½s (which is saying a lot, as any subscriber to the macabre will tell you that the 1980s was one of the most prolific periods for this oft- unappreciated genre). That being said, I've decided to review it solely because it's the exact type of movie one would find dwelling underneath a mountain of $2.99 DVDs at Wal-Mart. An uneducated person might dismiss it as being just another low budget snooze-fest, but that uneducated person would, of course, be incorrect in hisher assumptions about this surprisingly fun movie that was penned by none another than Frank Darabont (and a handful of others).
The Blob is about well a blob. A meteorite crashes on the outskirts of a small Colorado town, and the only person-'at least for the time being-'to notice its presence is a homeless man who spends his day crushing cans and playing with his dog. When he investigates the fiery crash site, he finds little more than a piece of smoldering rock. But wait-'what's that gelatinous substance pulsing in the center of said meteorite? Only a sane person would pick up a stick and poke it, right? Of course. That's exactly what this gentleman does, only to have the ooze spring to life and attach itself to his hand. He's soon aided by the resident juvenile delinquent (who, of course, turns out not to be such a bad guy after all), a football star, and a cheerleader. Yeah, that's right: the traditional teenage fodder is present and accounted for in The Blob. Thankfully, though, the blob is an equal opportunity eater. No one is safe.
And I mean no one.
In an unprecedented move-'and one that's usually regarded as a cardinal sin in the world of horror movies-'a child is eventually killed and digested by the blob. As shocked as I was by this, I have to give credit where it's due. Kudos to The Blob and everyone associated with it for making such a gutsy decision. This sort of thing actually causes the film to garner a fair amount of suspense: if you know children aren't even safe, then logic would dictate that anyone could be picked off at any time. And that's exactly what happens. You'll simultaneously gasp and laugh as the amorphous slime traverses sewers and street corners in an effort to digest every living thing in the immediate vicinity. That, I think, is one of the things that makes this decidedly over-the-top horror movie work so well: it's not about a guy in a hockey mask trying to carve up people. The antagonist doesn't have any backstory, and isn't motivated by emotion, revenge, etc. It's a relatively primitive being (in terms of intelligence, at least) that wants to eat. It's acting on sheer primal instinct, and that's it.
Had this been the entirety of the plot, there's a strong chance that The Blob would've elicited an exceptionally strong cult following. But there's a twist: the meteorite that fell to Earth was not, in fact, a meteorite. As it turns out, it was a well-disguised American bioweapon satellite. In the latter half of the film it's explained that the blob started out as a small culture of bacteria which mutated due to the absence of gravity. Instead of the blob being a completely awesome alien life form, it's nothing more than the result of an attempt to overpower Russia via the use of biological warfare. How lame is that?
As insignificant as this plot point may seem, it really hampers the overall effect of the movie. It's completely unnecessary, and feels as if it's the ultimate form of contrivance. I mean, let's face it: the movie is called The Blob. People are paying to see it because they want to see horrific deaths filled with gore and cheese. No one goes into a movie like this expecting political commentary, and, unless it's handled in exactly the right way, it comes off as a botched attempt at adding subtext to a movie that doesn't need any.
So where does that leave us? The fact remains that The Blob is a well made horror movie with great effects. It's fun, engrossing, and entirely creative-'well, at least for 34 of the runtime. It's certainly worth a rental on a night you want to watch something mindless with a group of friends, and I'd recommend serving a little Jell-O to enhance the already heightened level of corniness that is about to er-hem consume you.
Review by piratecannon from the Internet Movie Database.