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Alien Blood

Alien Blood (1999) Movie Poster
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UK  •    •  80m  •    •  Directed by: Jon Sorensen.  •  Starring: Francesca Manning, Rebecca Stirling, Glyn Whiteside, Shirley Clarke, Robert Jackson, Penelope Dudley, Vanessa Stevens, Catherine Whitaker, Karen Reay, Jane Sorensen, Tony Hunt, Ross Connor, Fiona Whelan.  •  Music by: Gary Lloyd.
       An alien mother and her child are pursued across England by a bunch of incompetent government agents and take refuge in a house full of vampires.

Review:

Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
Image from: Alien Blood (1999)
I received a reject copy of Alien Blood for free along with a bunch of other extremely bad movies when I interned for Troma a long time ago. The cover art looked so pitifully stupid that I couldn't bear to even pop it in my DVD player for years. I expected it to be an unfunny, poorly made, boring Alien rip off with bad computer effects, in the vein of Legend of the Chupacabra [another free Troma movie I got in the same batch--possibly the worst movie I have ever seen in my life]. The only reason I decided to watch it tonight was because I'm trying to build up the perfect DVD collection, and Alien Blood is a blight on my shelf. Also, I asked my boyfriend if he would rather watch Alien Blood or Brad Grinter: Nudist. Those familiar with Something Weird's BLOOD FREAK release will understand why he chose Alien Blood!

Anyway, the good thing about having rock-bottom expectations for a movie is that you may easily be pleasantly surprised by some aspect of it. In this case, the cinematography made the movie almost worthwhile. There are many striking shots, most notably a great one of a bagpiper up on a cliff while a gunman waits below in the foreground. A few effects are a WAY overused, such as breaking up a shot with fades to black over and over again, or using slow-motion on a flickering candle. Also, I got a very Pure MoodsEnya vibe from some of the waterfall and nature footage. Overall though, I'd say the photography was great--symmetrical, well-composed, and a lot like Ginger Snaps.

As for the plot itself--ickk! My boyfriend and I figured Jon Sorenson had a vampire movie all planned out, but then someone came to him and said, "What's better than a vampire movie? A vampire ALIEN movie!" so he added a bunch of nonsense about women who run silently through the English countryside, standing atop rocky cliffs and communing with screaming moon-men [depicted in jarringly fake CG]. Admittedly, I did find the screaming moon-man to be hilarious. He shows up in the DVD menu loop, which I watched over and over again with great relish.

Also, I appreciated how the director at least TRIED to tell a complex story without using many words, even though he definitely didn't pull it off.

At any rate, the alien ladies seek shelter in a house full of bickering adulterous vampires. As I type that, I realize that it sounds like an amazing premise. It should have been amazing. Instead, the vampires act just like ordinary people, only they dress in 19th century garb and have pointy teeth. No one is ever bitten, and they can be killed with a regular gun. The alien ladies are also basically normal people. The little girl is a little weird, but then she basically has two lines which she repeats over and over again in exactly the same tone of voice: "Allez maman! Allez maman! Allez maman!"--ARRGGH!

You would probably like this movie if you're into the X Files, but if you like campy exploitationB movies, look elsewhere for entertainment. The gore effects are minimal, the interesting ideas lack interesting content, and basically it seemed like the longest 80 minutes of my life. The opening credit sequence alone lasted for about fifteen minutes and seemed to list the name of every single person who worked on the movie, including "Second Assistant Camera Operator" or something, in the most excruciatingly slow manner possible. I'm convinced the director stretched out all the slow-mo and long, still shots he could just to make the movie feature-length. I may watch the DVD extra "Jon Sorenson: Man of Mystery" just to find out...although putting an extra on your own DVD about how you're a "man of mystery" seems totally ridiculous!

All in all, this movie is a waste of time aside from a bunch of pretty shots. I plan to sell my copy and get it out of the house as soon as possible!


Review by kate from the Internet Movie Database.